Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
