somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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