last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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