I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Text me some of your sweat
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize