WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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