I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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