Why are handjobs necessary in class?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
