I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
