Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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