your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
