If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
