You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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