It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
