someone get that fucking seahorse.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
