i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
