another moral hangover. fuck.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
