Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize