Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
