batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
