im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize