It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
