...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
