You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
