The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
even my farts smell like vagina
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
