It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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