drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
