I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
