You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My ass is underappreciated
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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