I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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