So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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