what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
