Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize