a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
