Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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