i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
