you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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