how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
