I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize