$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
