...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
