You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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