You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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