Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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