What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
