Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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