This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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