bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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