I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize