She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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