PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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