WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would ride that face into the sunset
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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