Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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