was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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