Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
