after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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