he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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