But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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