My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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