His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
