Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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