I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
