I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
