yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
