talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
