So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
