Actions speak louder than pants.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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