Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
