I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize