Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
