meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
