So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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