i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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