Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
